Rewriting History

I've just added an article at www.MidlifeMaze.com about why you may be hearing your husband describe your marriage and your life together in a way that doesn't match with what you remember.

Before you start questioning your own sanity you may want to read the article and understand what is going on for him that he now has a very different take on things.

Try to remember that this really is all about him, it's not about you and it's not aimed at you. If you can remember that, you will be able to see his behaviour for what it is and hopefully feel less hurt by it. That is a big step in learning to detach from him, it's allowing him to go through whatever he has to without making it about you and suffering for it.

I'd love to hear your comments once you have read the article

When he blames you for everything

I've just added a new article at www.midlifemaze.com discussing why Midlife Crisis Men often blame their wives for everything that is going wrong in their lives and their marriages.

Though many women accept this blame and turn themselves inside out and upside down trying to appease their husband and save their marriage, often all they do is exhaust themselves.

You see, despite what he is saying, it really isn't about you at all, once again it is all about him!

I'd love to hear your comments after you have read the article

The Declaration of Midlife Crisis

I've just posted a new article at MidlifeMaze.com and would love to hear what you think.

Whether you have just experienced it or it is now several months or even years past, the day your husband announces that he still loves you, but is not "in love" with you anymore, is a day you will probably never forget. Looking back it is probably the milestone that marks the beginning of  a very turbulent period in your life.

It seems to be almost a requirement that the Midlife Crisis Husband must fulfil to mark his departure from the normal everyday life you have shared into the strange limbo land that these men seem to inhabit.

I hope you find the article useful and would appreciate your comments.

Did you get "The Speech"?

Selfishness

When your husband is having a Midlife Crisis, Selfishness is a very central concept.

You immediate reaction to that statement might be that the whole thing is down to him being totally selfish and if he weren't then none of this would be happening! Maybe so, but I have a few other angles for you to consider, if you are willing?

Forget Blame - Choose Responsibility

When your husband is having a Midlife Crisis, there is usually a lot of blame flying around. All blame can do is make the situation worse, its not going to improve anything.It may feel natural to blame him or even blame yourself, but if you can take some time and sort through your feelings to separate blame and responsibility, you can move yourself to a much better place. Remember, no matter what he does or says, your responsibility is to take care of yourself.

Emotional Detachment

This really is one of the keys in taking care of yourself through your husband's Midlife Crisis.

First of all what is emotional detachment? Well, in the scenario we are talking about here it is the ability to let go of the attachment that you feel towards your husband. It includes not expecting him to live as though he still feels attached to you.

Detaching from your husband means not hoping to control him or his behaviour and accepting that whatever he is doing is his choice and for his own reasons. It also means being self contained enough within yourself that you do not judge yourself based on what he does or doesn't do.

Midlife Crisis Husband? What can you do?

After a marriage that has lasted years or decades, we are understandably attached to our husbands and we care about their well being. When we see them changing before our very eyes, when we see them making choices that we believe are going to hurt them, our instincts are to help them, to fix them, to save them, or at least to make them see sense.

Unfortunately, if he really is in Midlife Crisis, you really can't help him. It's up to him. The nature of Midlife Crisis is that it is "SELFISH" in nature. Both in the usual sense, and in the sense that it is a crisis of the 'Self', he has to figure out who he has being living as, what works for him and what doesn't and who he will become in the remaining years of his life. This is a one person project!

So once you understand that, what can you do?